Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Life Post two-Depression and Suicide

Depression- is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, world view and physical well-being.

Suicide- is the act of intentionally causing one's own death.

No one who knows me will know anything about this because i'm the happy, quiet one who looks as if she has no problems and I make my self appear like that because I don't want any one to know what I'm really like panicky, full of self hate, depressed, worry about everything and at times suicidal.

Everyone who knows me will not know that I have been bullied even the bullies won't of realized what they were doing or what it can cause being called ugly, fat, spotty, a slut, a slag, a bitch, loser, dog.. Even being told to go cry in a corner and kill myself is hurtful and I have often held in the tears all day until I finally reach home and lock myself in my room, often staring into the mirror hating myself the way I look and the way I'am. I will sit and cry for hours thinking of how easy it would be to end it all and just leave this world.. I haven't yet but I can't even promise myself that I won't do anything in the future..

I worry about the smallest thing like getting the bus and being alone in public. In a couple of days college is having a 'hippy' day for world peace and we have to dress as hippies this has terrified me because I have no idea what to wear and what everyone else is going to wear, I have made myself ill over this and have cried I'm terrified because what if no one else dresses up and I do or if everyone else does and I don't I want to fit in and not be laughed at or talked about. I don't want to stand out just to blend in.

I had promised myself that college would be a new start for me I would be more confident and not worry about anything but nothing has changed I feel worse about myself as the pressures of looking and acting a certain way are more stronger than ever. I know deep down that I shouldn't of picked hairdressing as that requires you to be confident in yourself, not be shy and talk to hundreds of strangers its too late now I have picked my future there's no going back this is my life from now on and I have to live with it..

Many people think depression is a sign of weakness.. It is NOT!! To deal with depression takes a lot of strength and courage.

Just a smile or a hello can save someones life.

Don't be a bully you never know what it might cause.

As I wrote this I have been crying and I have thought of killing myself and going somewhere better.

Report bullying to help stop it!!

There IS help out there.. talk to someone you know (family, friends), talk to a teacher, talk to your doctor ( they know how to help).

There are many website and numbers that will help:  0800 585858  0808 808 8000  020 8896 3675  01708 765200

Stay strong
You ARE all beautiful 
You ALL MEAN something
You are NOT pointless

Enjoy your day..

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