Monday, 19 January 2015

Life is hard.

Life has gotten really hard these last couple of weeks and I'm pretty close at giving up again.. 

Losing my job again has been the main thing that has been getting me down, I'm trying so hard to find another one but getting rejected over and over again really starts to wear me down where I've gotten to the point of crying most days.

Being forced to go to college is another main thing. I DO NOT want to be at college at all I've already been there for 2 years which means I'am a qualified hairdresser so I don't really need to do level 3 but my parents are forcing me to go there which also means I can't find a good job, also not wanting to be a hairdresser and realizing I have wasted a huge part of my life doing something that I don't want to do.

The last couple of weeks all my friends have gotten boyfriends and by all I mean every single one of my friends! This wouldn't normally bother me but with valentines day coming up and all my friends being in relationships and them constantly having relationship talks with each other with e just sat on the edge of the group just listening is getting me down.

I'am jealous of my younger sister and yes I'am embarrassed to admit that! Shes got everything going for her, she has a lovely boyfriend and through him she has gotten 2 very well paying jobs at the same time which means she can pay to go on holiday in the next couple of months, buy her self a car before shes even passed her driving test and start to think of moving out at the age of 17!

Hiding depression, anxiety and OCD form my family is so hard an tiring, I know at least half of my family would be supportive but hearing how the other half talk about people with mental problems terrifies me to come out with my problems, I have been shouted at for constantly checking if taps, straighteners, lights and the cooker are turned off before I leave the house.

I would do anything to go back to last summer when I had a good job, good friends, my skin was starting to clear up, I had just passed my driving test and the sun was shining. I'am definitely a sun lover and find myself slightly happier in the summer. I think I would even go as far as to say I would give 30 years of my life to go back to summer 2014.

I know probably no one will read this but it has felt good to vent my problems.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

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