Life Post two-Depression and Suicide

Depression- is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, world view and physical well-being.

Suicide- is the act of intentionally causing one's own death.

No one who knows me will know anything about this because i'm the happy, quiet one who looks as if she has no problems and I make my self appear like that because I don't want any one to know what I'm really like panicky, full of self hate, depressed, worry about everything and at times suicidal.

Everyone who knows me will not know that I have been bullied even the bullies won't of realized what they were doing or what it can cause being called ugly, fat, spotty, a slut, a slag, a bitch, loser, dog.. Even being told to go cry in a corner and kill myself is hurtful and I have often held in the tears all day until I finally reach home and lock myself in my room, often staring into the mirror hating myself the way I look and the way I'am. I will sit and cry for hours thinking of how easy it would be to end it all and just leave this world.. I haven't yet but I can't even promise myself that I won't do anything in the future..

I worry about the smallest thing like getting the bus and being alone in public. In a couple of days college is having a 'hippy' day for world peace and we have to dress as hippies this has terrified me because I have no idea what to wear and what everyone else is going to wear, I have made myself ill over this and have cried I'm terrified because what if no one else dresses up and I do or if everyone else does and I don't I want to fit in and not be laughed at or talked about. I don't want to stand out just to blend in.

I had promised myself that college would be a new start for me I would be more confident and not worry about anything but nothing has changed I feel worse about myself as the pressures of looking and acting a certain way are more stronger than ever. I know deep down that I shouldn't of picked hairdressing as that requires you to be confident in yourself, not be shy and talk to hundreds of strangers its too late now I have picked my future there's no going back this is my life from now on and I have to live with it..


Many people think depression is a sign of weakness.. It is NOT!! To deal with depression takes a lot of strength and courage.

Just a smile or a hello can save someones life.

Don't be a bully you never know what it might cause.

As I wrote this I have been crying and I have thought of killing myself and going somewhere better.

Report bullying to help stop it!!

There IS help out there.. talk to someone you know (family, friends), talk to a teacher, talk to your doctor ( they know how to help).

There are many website and numbers that will help: 
www.thecalmzone.net  0800 585858
www.lifelinehelpline.info  0808 808 8000 
www.youth2youth.co.uk  020 8896 3675
www.stampoutsuicide.org.uk  
http://www.supportline.org.uk  01708 765200

Stay strong

You ARE all beautiful 

You ALL MEAN something

You are NOT pointless

Enjoy your day..

<3 

Life Post one-Starting College?!?!

I started college this week and i was terrified!! I'm not the most confident person or talkative so the idea of meeting loads of new people was rather scary, luckily I had a friend who was doing the same course as me and was in the same group..

Leaving school-

I feel like I should still be at school as it feels like I only was a year 7 a year ago.. Its gone so quickly!! 

The months and weeks coming to the end of school were strange, I had done my exams and was just finishing of course work so i was only for a couple of lessons a week and that felt like nothing was really that important any more and I was starting to grow up. I left school like everyone else saying " I can't wait to leave, Its going to be great, I will never miss this place." I suppose for some people that's true they won't miss school at all, but I defiantly miss school I didn't realise that until I started college. At school everything is basically spoon fed to you at college its your job to do things and if you don't it doesn't happen or get done. Leaving the people you have seen nearly everyday for 5 years is sad because although you do say your going to keep in touch not everyone does and they move on to new people and things and soon forget about you. The teachers you got on with now have new year 7s to teach.  The fact that I will probably never step foot back into that school ever after being there for 5 years is upsetting.

College- 

College is totally different to school instead of being classes with only people your age there are different ages from 16 up. Being able to go out of the college for lunch is great it means we can buy food from any where and walk round the shops. I hardly ever see anyone from school in college although most people went there but when i see them its normally an awkward smile or hey you aright? as we pass in the corridor instead of the long chats we would of had at school. College has less rules than school which means you can do most things unlike in school. Only studying what you want to at college instead of everything that you had to in school makes college seem a lot more fun and less boring and time wasting, but it also means you forget a lot of what you have learnt at school..

Although I'am looking forward to the rest of my time at college I defiantly am missing school alot!!

To anyone else who has left school and is starting college GOOD LUCK!! 

Enjoy your day..

<3

Summer Lookbook!!

The weather in the U.K hasn't been great :( but anyway I thought i would show you what I'm wearing this summer rain or shine..
(The quality is shocking sorry :/ )

1.

Shirt - Dads
Orange top- River Island
Shorts- River Island
Shoes- Nike blazers

2.

Denim Jacket- Dads
Guns and Roses top- Primark
Leggings- Primark
Shoes- Converse double tounges

3.

Jacket- New Look
Top- H&M
Acid wash jeans- H&M
Shoes- Dr Martens 8 eye matte white

4.

Elbow pad cardigan- H&M
Vest- H&M
High waisted american flag shorts- Topshop
Tights- Primark
Shoes- Black and white vans

5.

Top- River Island
Shorts- River Island (studded by me)
Shoes- Black vans

6.

Top- Primark
Jeans- New Look
Shoes- Primark

And a blooper ;)

Hello Toby..

Enjoy your day..

<3

My summer beauty favorites!

Summer in England isn't always sunny, most of the time it rains.. But over this summer I have found many great products which are either new to me or I have rediscovered them.

Front- Superdrug Body Butter and The Body Shop Lip Butter
Middle- 17 Nail Varnish, Rimmel London Foundation and Maybelline New York Mascara
Back- Lee Stafford Shampoo, Superdrug Facial Wash, The Body Shop Body Mist and Dove  Heat Spray

Superdrug Cranberry and Pomegranate body butter-
This smells AMAZING!! The scent of this is very summery although I will be using this all year round as it is now my favorite body butter, the smell has a sort of fruity and creamy smell which last in the skin for ages. It gets rid of any dry skin.
I defiantly recommend trying this as it is very cheap (around £2!!) and smells so nice.

The Body Shop born lippy raspberry-
I have had this since Christmas and have recently started to use this again as it has a very summery taste (yes I have tasted it a few times) of ice lollies. It helps to make the lips very soft and smooth.
The cost for this isn't that much around £3 and the pot does last a long while.

17 Nail varnish in Pink Grapefruit-
This has a very summery coral pinky orange colour which looks great with a tan and helps to brighten up an outfit which might be dull.
I would recommend applying 2 coats to get the true colour. Price around £2.

Rimmel London Wake Me Up foundation-
This is the perfect foundation for summer as it is not too thick but still covers up mark, it has a dewy finish which can be mad matte by using a powder over the top.
Price £8.99
Read my full review at http://www.theresbeautyinthebeast.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/wake-me-up-foundation-review-rimmel.html .

Maybelline New York the Falsies volum' express mascara Flared-
This masacara has a spoon brush which helps to coat all the lashes even the tiny ones and make them appear longer and more voloumised. The eyelashes defiantly look more curved and longer.
Price around £8.

Lee Stafford BLEAch BLondes SHaMPOO-
Although I don't have bleach blonde hair this still helps to removed the brassy yellow tones that build up in my blonde hair by gently toning them out. The shampoo is a bright purple colour which is what removes the yellow brassy tones.
I would not recommend using this shampoo daily as it can leave some pale purplely tones. Price under £7.

Superdrug Deep Action daily facial scrub Anti-Bacterial-
I brought this in a rush and because it was cheap and thought that it wouldn't make any difference to my skin at all.. but i was wrong it hasn't suddenly clear all my spots (if only) but it has helped to make my skin feel cleaner and clearer. The small beads help to removed dead skin and the cream helps to soften skin to leave it feeling smooth.
Price £2.

The Body Shop Satsuma Body Mist-
Normally I can't stand the smell of orange but this is a very light orange smell which is refreshing but not over powering and unbearable. The scent lasts for a couple of hours and then starts to fade away.
Price £7.

Dove damage therapy Heat Defence spray-
I brought this spray a couple of months ago and haven't stopped using it, although I think heat protecting sprays don't really do that much this one defiantly makes the hair feel a lot smoother and healthier.
Price £2 in boots at the moment.

Enjoy your day..

<3