Life is hard.

Life has gotten really hard these last couple of weeks and I'm pretty close at giving up again.. 

Losing my job again has been the main thing that has been getting me down, I'm trying so hard to find another one but getting rejected over and over again really starts to wear me down where I've gotten to the point of crying most days.

Being forced to go to college is another main thing. I DO NOT want to be at college at all I've already been there for 2 years which means I'am a qualified hairdresser so I don't really need to do level 3 but my parents are forcing me to go there which also means I can't find a good job, also not wanting to be a hairdresser and realizing I have wasted a huge part of my life doing something that I don't want to do.

The last couple of weeks all my friends have gotten boyfriends and by all I mean every single one of my friends! This wouldn't normally bother me but with valentines day coming up and all my friends being in relationships and them constantly having relationship talks with each other with e just sat on the edge of the group just listening is getting me down.

I'am jealous of my younger sister and yes I'am embarrassed to admit that! Shes got everything going for her, she has a lovely boyfriend and through him she has gotten 2 very well paying jobs at the same time which means she can pay to go on holiday in the next couple of months, buy her self a car before shes even passed her driving test and start to think of moving out at the age of 17!

Hiding depression, anxiety and OCD form my family is so hard an tiring, I know at least half of my family would be supportive but hearing how the other half talk about people with mental problems terrifies me to come out with my problems, I have been shouted at for constantly checking if taps, straighteners, lights and the cooker are turned off before I leave the house.

I would do anything to go back to last summer when I had a good job, good friends, my skin was starting to clear up, I had just passed my driving test and the sun was shining. I'am definitely a sun lover and find myself slightly happier in the summer. I think I would even go as far as to say I would give 30 years of my life to go back to summer 2014.

I know probably no one will read this but it has felt good to vent my problems.

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Worried?!

Lately I've found myself with an over barring feeling that over the last month or so I've messed up massively and I worked out that its true I did mess up a lot recently:

1. My job.. this is my biggest worry as I've gone from having the best job I'll probably ever have and earning around £250 a week working only 3 days to working in a clothes shop (I'll mention no names) 8 hours a week earning minimum wage, which quite frankly is no where near enough as I have car insurance and other bills to pay.

2. Relationship.. Now haven't had a boyfriend since the beginning of the year but I have had a 'male friend' (erm) which was going well and we were on the way to being a couple but I'm far to laid back to take anything seriously and he had no idea what I was thinking at all.

3. College.. Everyone who knows me knows I hate college and everything about it and as my parents won't let me leave I had the great idea of being late everyday to try and get myself kicked out to work full time but unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I wanted and I'm still there wasting my time there getting more and more miserable with life.

But, it's almost the end of the year so hopefully next year will be bigger and better and I finally work out what I want to do with my life!!

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Those down days..

The last couple of weeks have not been the best!

I've realized that I have spent the last 3 years at college doing something I now absolutely hate and my hours at work have been cut right down to 0! and with my parents still forcing me to go to college I'm stuck. as I would love to work full time and that is what most barbers want is someone to work full time. So I'm finding it hard to find a new job and with my savings quickly running out on petrol to get to college I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

It seems like moving in with my nan and becoming her career is the only option although I would be paid to do it I'd be moving away from everyone I know which is pretty scary.

So life has been pretty shit to be honest but I'm sure something good will happen in the near future after all thats the law of the universe.. isn't it?

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Salicylic Acid Face Peel

From the age of 11 to now (age 18) I have suffered with acne, its not so bad now as I've got older and started to care for my skin more but I do still get the odd spot but I have been left with the permanent reminder of this teenage nightmere in the form of huge redy brown scars that have been left behind.

I've tried many things to get rid of the scar inculding lemon juice on the sun, scrubbing my face with sugar and honey and even bleaching my skin with hair bleach (PLEASE do not try as it does not work and it burns like hell!!).. So, after reading about Dermatoligists preforming Salicylic Acid peels on paitents with scarring I researched into the cost of getting it done perfossionally but being part time employed doesn't allow for me to spend around £100 each time it needs doing so I went on to ebay and brought 30 ml of 20% Salicylic Acid for around £5 an obvious saving of a lot of money although I would perfer and recommened to have it professionally done thats just not an option for me. I only did a partial peel on my right cheek as that is the worse part of my face and I wanted to test it on a patch that I would be able to notice and differences better.

September 26th 2014-

The first treatment, after doing a skin test and having no reaction I washed my face with simple face was and towel dried I applied a tiny tiny amount to the scars using a cotton bud, after about 2 seconds it was burning my face felt like it was on fire but i perserevered and left it on for a minute. In that minute my skin frosted and when I washed the acid off the frosting remained so I scrubbed my face with a flannel with I do not recommend as that has probably caused some damage. My skin was left red and sore. I'm using E45 cream to moisturise my face through out the whole process.
The next day my skin looked bruised and red.

September 28th 2014-

My skin has started to peel! It looks like really bad sun burn which is too bad really and sort of looks like a bruise from far away. It is so tempting to pick and peel my face because I'am so excited to see the result but I suppose being patient is a lot better than rushing it and leaving myself a bigger scar.

September 29th 2014-

First day going public with my face peeling, obviously everyone asked about it and all sounded horrified when I told them I had done it myself at home..
Most of my skin has peeled off now there is just a few patches left to go but the skin thats left behind looks so much better and the scars are less purple and are just a pale pinky colour.

October 1st 2014-

There is one tiny patch that still needs to peel off but the skin that has already peeled looks so much better!
By the end of the day my skin has totally peeled and I'am left with skin that looks so much better still slightly red but I'm sure that will go down over the next couple of days.
I'm so happy with the result especially as this is the first time I have done it.

 Pictures-

(Sorry about the lighting and terribly unflattering angles in some of the pictures)

1st - Before the peel

2nd - Just after the peel was applied

3rd - After a minute, was off time

4th - After being washed off 

5th - Day 2 red red red

6th - Day 2 

7th - Day 3 Started to scab

8th - Day 3 Starts to peel

9th - Day 4 peeling 

10th - Day 5 final peeling

11th - Day 6 all done!!

Good luck if you are planning to do this at home and make sure you have research properly and throughly!!

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

It will be okay!

"It will be okay" is something that has been said to me a lot especially over the last few months and every time I didn't believe it, The last couple of months had been the worst and toughest and if I'm honest I didn't think that I would make it through and there was a point where I gave up but I can now say I'am thankful that I failed!

Over the last couple of months I have achieved more than I ever thought I would... I FINALLY got a job doing something that I actually want to do and I've already learned so much there, I completed my course at college which means I'am now a fully trained hairdresser :) I've met some amazing people that have changed my life for the better, I opened up to people at college about my depression and anxiety and they pushed me to get the help I so desperately needed ( I can't thank you lot enough for what you've done for me) and I've started to accept my flaws and realised there's nothing I can do about them.

I've realised that it will be okay and everything does work out at some point, yeah it will get messed up again but in the end everything works out and you need to keep on trying. After all we all make mistakes!

If your going through a rough spot and don't think you can make it through PLEASE don't give up! I know its hard to believe when people say 'It will be okay' but it will and you'll realise you can do and achieve anything and everything you want, it might but hard work but in the end its defiantly worth it.

Please don't give up! It will be okay!

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy 

A sunny ootd

The weather in England is totally unreliable for example the middle of winter can be really sunny and the middle of summer have rain floods.

So any day that has a little bit of sun and warmth you have to make the most of as I did this week.

I love wearing denim shorts especially in the 'summer' as they definitely give a carefree laid back look to any outfit, the vest is such a beautiful rust/orange colour which would suit any skin tone especially anyone who has a darker skin tone.

Shorts including belt- River Island (£30)
Baggy vest- H&M (£3.99)
Hair extensions- Lush hair extensions (Price depending on length and thickness)

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Depression and Anxiety.

Depression and Anxiety just don't make sense for example going out with your friends should be an enjoyable happy experience and not make you stress out so much you cry or have a panic attack and decide not to go out and instead stay home alone.

Its a viscous circle as you are told that talking to people or seeing your friends will cheer you up and make you feel better about everything but in reality it just makes everything worse as you start to stress about what to say or how to act so no one notices that there's anything wrong.

Most people won't realise that someone has depression or anxiety they wont even realise that a seemingly 'normal' everyday task like paying for something in a shop, asking for help/directions or speaking on the phone will make someone panic or want to cry or worse..

For example to the outside world I probably seem like a 'normal' confident bubbly girl but inside I'am totally different, I'm someone who panics and stresses about all the little thing that don't really matter, I HATE talking to anyone on the phone, I have weird and strange fears, I've written countless suicide notes and attempted suicide 4 times in the last 2 years.

What I'm trying to say is be nice and respectful to EVERYONE as you don't know what's going on in their head and behind closed doors and if your worried about anyone make sure you tell them that your their for them no matter what!

I'm always here if you need someone to talk t about anything, I know what it feels like. Just ask for my email and I'll give it to you or leave your email down in the comments and I'll email you as soon as I see it.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

P.S If I could be very sneaky and as if you could click on an ad on my blog as my car insurance is due very soon and it is far from cheap.. thank you if you do :)

18th birthday ootd

I went to Nandos with my friends a couple of days after my birthday and I wore this dress I had got for my birthday.

I love the small monochrome flower print that is covering the dress. The dress comes to around middle thigh area so it is perfect for a day out in the sun without having to worry about showing anyone anything that shouldn't be shown.. if you know what I mean.

I don't know why I took this picture at such a weird angle...

Dress- H&M (£7.99)
Belt- Primark (around £3)
Converse- Office (£45.99)
Ankle bracelets- H&M (£4.99 I think)

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Real life meets Online life

To me my blog was only read by strangers until a couple of days a friend told me they had read my blog, I was terrified and went back and deleted about 6 posts from the last 2 years because online you can be whoever you want and not worry about what people might think whereas in real life you have to deal with people face to face instead of keyboard to keyboard.

In my opinion my online self is confident and outgoing which is so far from my real life self, blogging is a way to get my feelings and opinions out without people I actually know finding out what I really think. My blog is a place I feel I can ramble on about whatever I want and not too many people will read it.

But, I suppose people I know will find my blog eventually whether its the next couple of months or in years to come because a secret always manages to get out no matter how careful and private you are.
I'll just have to wait with baited breath until that day but for now I will carry on as though nothing has happened.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

My 18th Birthday!

First of  I never thought I would actually make it to 18 but here I'm 18 today and going strong (kind of), but I wasn't excited about being 18 at all as I knew on the actual day I would probably be sat at home alone.. which is what I'am doing right now and how the rest of my day will go.

Everyone seems to go mental with planning their 18th birthday by either going clubbing, having a party or going on holiday and I had actually planned to go to France with my ex boyfriend but by me calling him my ex gives a massive clue as to why that didn't happen.

I can't feel too sorry for myself as at the weekend I went to Oxford street with my sister and on Friday I will be going to Nandos with my friends from college because that is our birthday tradition.

I understand why 18 is such a big birthday as you become an adult, you can vote, get a tattoo, drink alcohol, get a loan but some of that isn't really that great.

Anyway, I hope you all have/had an amazing 18th birthday doing what YOU wanted and not what people expect you to do.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Style inspo- Cara Delevingne

I often find myself looking through Cara Delevingne's instagram and tumblr in awe of her amazing fashion sense and fast paced glamorous lifestyle its something me and many others can dream of..

Cara Delevingne is a beautiful model, singer and actress with a second name that most people can't pronounce but she has the most amazing style and fashion sense outside of the fashion shows and runways.

Her dirty beachy blonde hair gives her an edgy laid back beach bum look which many people crave.
Cara's eyebrows are talked about a lot which is understandable as they are so perfectly thick and shaped they suit her heart shaped face perfectly, So it may be time to ditch the wax and tweezers and let nature take over your brows.
Her clothes seem to be mainly rocky-biker-relaxed-surfer girl inspired with leather jackets, ankle boots, denim shorts, baggy T-shirts, beanie hats and skinny jeans as her go to items of choice.

Of course not all of us can afford the designer price tag but many high street stores have very similar items making it easier for us to steal her amazing style.

Cara modelling for Victoria Secrets

Disclaimer- I own none of the pictures, all rights go to the lawful owners

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

A slightly late April favourites

Yes I'am slightly late with my April favourites but I thought I would do it anyway as I'am trying to avoid doing my college work and tidying my room..

Converese All Star double tongue (the laces are from eBay) - JD Sports £45ish

Brown satchel - Primark £12

Palm leave skater dress - H&m £7.99!!

Volume supersizing spray by Loreal Paris studio line - Boots £4ish
22 Turquoise block by Bourjois Paris - Superdrug £8ish
2000 Calorie mascara by Maxfactor - Superdrug £10ish

I've been loving turquoisey bluey greeny colours in April as its a summery tropical colour and summer is slowly but surely on its way!

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram -@josieeberryyy

My Music Top 10!

Heres 10 songs I've been listening to a lot recently,

1. Take A Walk - Passion Pit
2. My Love - Route 94 ft. Jess Glynne
3. Ride- Lana Del Ray
4. Hollywood - Marina And The Diamonds
5. Changes- Faul ft. Wad Ad
6. Home - Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeros
7. Shake I Out - Florence And The Machine
8. Let Go For Tonight - Foxes
9. Tongue Tied - Grouplove
10. Reverse Skydiving - Hot Natured

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram -@josieeberryyy

2014 Bucket list!

2014 is here and a new year means a new start, So I thought I would make a bucket list for the coming year.

• To be more confident!
• To look after my hair and skin better!
• To travel and explore London on my own more!
• To make more friends!
• To post on my blog more!
• To celebrate my 18th birthday in a BIG way!
• To become happier!
• To love my face and body more!
• To eat more healthier!
• Spend more time with my friends!

Hope you all have a terrific 2014!

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Happy Christmas!

First of all HAPPY CHRISTMAS!! I hope your day is amazing and full of Joy, Happiness and Laughter.

So, its almost the end of another year. In my opinion 2013 hasn't been to bad of a year, there have been many highs and some lows but all in all it's been great.

I promised myself I would post more on my blog this year but I guess life just got in the way, but I promise next year WILL be different with hopefully at least one post a week.

2014 will be a huge year for me as I will turn 18!!! Hopefully I will finally pass my driving test, I will start barbering at college which means an extra day at college but for only 10 weeks I can't complain too much, I hope to find a good long term job, build more confidence in myself and also start working out more to achieve my target weight and dream body.

To me 2014 can't come soon enough although 2013 has gone s quickly its literally flown right by but as I think 2014 is going to be great I can't wait for it to arrive!

Happy Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Wishlist- December

I have worn vans for years, which means some of them are looking very loved and tired. So I have been looking into re-purchasing some of the old looking ones that I have.

The black and white vans are my staple shoe as they are so comfy and versatile. You can wear vans all day and your feet will not start to hurt at all. Vans can be worn with everything including jeans, shorts, skirts, dresses, leggings and trousers.

£44.99 is a reasonable price as I pretty much wore mine everyday for 2 years and they have only recently broken (the sole came unstuck).

Buy the shoes here.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Small Haul

I've found a few items in the sales recently and thought I would share them with you lot as I love seeing what other people find in the sales as they are usually very hit and miss.

Topshop-

I saw these shorts in the summer and was so tempted to buy them but for some reason I didn't and I was so happy when I saw them in the sale and grabbed them straight away. I'am a huge sucker for anything high waisted, so these were added straight to my collection and although these probably aren't the best item of clothing for the autumn/winter seasons but I can't wait till next year to wear them so they'll be worn with tights for the time being.

Shorts- £15 

I'am constantly wearing baggy oversized vests with a bandeau underneath so I thought that this would be perfect for that. The top has un-wired cups  and black buttons down the back which do come undone but you probably won't need to undo them as the top is quite stretchy.

Top-£5

H&M-

I have wanted a distressed denim jacket for years, I've been searching around charity shops, clothes shops and online but never found one I liked until a week ago. I brought this in a size 14 so that it would have to over sized look and in the winter I'd be able to fit a jumper or hoodie underneath, I have worn this jacket and it has been washed so that is why its not looking its best so sorry for the creases.

Jacket-£15

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Wishlist- October

Unlined Parka- Topshop

Everyone in the autumn and winter always seem to wear a parka and this year is going to be no exception.

This jacket is perfect for layering on colder days and wearing on its own on warmer days. The colour of the jacket is perfect for the colder months as its not so stand out, the pockets are huge so you can wear your massive thick gloves still and carry other things in them. The drawstring around the waist can make be tightened and loosened depending on what your wearing underneath and what your body shape is. There is also a hood which is great for that unexpected rain which is becoming all too familiar in England.

Image for Topshop

  

The parka is currently on sale for £30 reduced for £60!

Buy jacket here

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Wishlist- September

Fern Shoulder Pad Mini Dress- Topshop

The dress is just gorgeous the colours and the print are so vibrant which is perfect for the end of summer blues that most of us will suffer now that we have come into September and the beginning of Autumn.

The tropical print just reminds me and makes me wish I lived in a tropical hot country, the colours will stand out from the dark and monochrome that will be filling everyone's wardrobes and spreading across the high street this September.

Image from Topshop

The shoulder pads give the tight fitting dress a strong structured look while the fabric clings to your body to show off your curves. The dress stops half way down your thigh so if your not that comfortable showing off a lot of legs this dress probably isn't fr you but if your proud of your pins you have no excuse not to try the dress on. 

The dress costs £38.00 which is quite alot for a dress but it will be a wardrobe staple that can be worn again and again and it will become a favourite.

Buy the dress here.

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

College- What to expect

By the end of year 11 I was fed up with school and defiantly didn't want to go back for sixth form so college seemed like the best option.

I was terrified of the thought of a new place, new teachers, new timetable and new people. At college you choose what you study so it seems less like a waste of time doing all the different subjects like at school. Colleges are normally alot bigger than schools and offer far more, one of the best things I found was during breaks and lunch you were allowed to leave the college campus and head into the city which was great for everything apart from my bank balance!

At college you are treated like an adult which means its your responsibility to get to college and lessons on time, to do your work on time and to supply the equipment you will need. You are also given less help as you aren't being forced to attend. The lessons a re pretty easy if your doing something you feel passionate about which you should as you chose to do it.

The social side of college is far better as the people in your class aren't all from where you live and everyone seems more mature now that they have left school and are acting like adults, there are also alot more events and trips planned which means you can meet people from the different subjects around college. The people are all different age groups which means your get a wider opinion on everything. The people who you meet in college are likely to be your friends for life!

College is huge compared to school so it will take a while to learn the whole campus even though I've been at my college for a year I still don't totally know where everything is, I only know the main parts that I need. As college is bigger you will need to expect to be dumped into alot more but as soon as you learn where you need to go that will lessen as you won't be standing around as much.

There is also alot more cafes and food areas in college so you can try different food from college although it probably will be alot more expensive than the food you can purchase in the town or city close to your college but it will probably be alot more healthier!

At my college and most others you are required to carry ID which can be the form of a lanyard of an ID card which can be annoying to remember to bring and wear all the time, but I suppose its necessary for security and keeping everyone safe. You will also see alot more different things at college atleast once a day I would see the security running at someone and I've also seen a man carrying a knife be arrested..

Good luck to everyone who is starting college in September!
You'll love it!

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy