Life is hard.

Life has gotten really hard these last couple of weeks and I'm pretty close at giving up again.. 

Losing my job again has been the main thing that has been getting me down, I'm trying so hard to find another one but getting rejected over and over again really starts to wear me down where I've gotten to the point of crying most days.

Being forced to go to college is another main thing. I DO NOT want to be at college at all I've already been there for 2 years which means I'am a qualified hairdresser so I don't really need to do level 3 but my parents are forcing me to go there which also means I can't find a good job, also not wanting to be a hairdresser and realizing I have wasted a huge part of my life doing something that I don't want to do.

The last couple of weeks all my friends have gotten boyfriends and by all I mean every single one of my friends! This wouldn't normally bother me but with valentines day coming up and all my friends being in relationships and them constantly having relationship talks with each other with e just sat on the edge of the group just listening is getting me down.

I'am jealous of my younger sister and yes I'am embarrassed to admit that! Shes got everything going for her, she has a lovely boyfriend and through him she has gotten 2 very well paying jobs at the same time which means she can pay to go on holiday in the next couple of months, buy her self a car before shes even passed her driving test and start to think of moving out at the age of 17!

Hiding depression, anxiety and OCD form my family is so hard an tiring, I know at least half of my family would be supportive but hearing how the other half talk about people with mental problems terrifies me to come out with my problems, I have been shouted at for constantly checking if taps, straighteners, lights and the cooker are turned off before I leave the house.

I would do anything to go back to last summer when I had a good job, good friends, my skin was starting to clear up, I had just passed my driving test and the sun was shining. I'am definitely a sun lover and find myself slightly happier in the summer. I think I would even go as far as to say I would give 30 years of my life to go back to summer 2014.

I know probably no one will read this but it has felt good to vent my problems.

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Worried?!

Lately I've found myself with an over barring feeling that over the last month or so I've messed up massively and I worked out that its true I did mess up a lot recently:

1. My job.. this is my biggest worry as I've gone from having the best job I'll probably ever have and earning around £250 a week working only 3 days to working in a clothes shop (I'll mention no names) 8 hours a week earning minimum wage, which quite frankly is no where near enough as I have car insurance and other bills to pay.

2. Relationship.. Now haven't had a boyfriend since the beginning of the year but I have had a 'male friend' (erm) which was going well and we were on the way to being a couple but I'm far to laid back to take anything seriously and he had no idea what I was thinking at all.

3. College.. Everyone who knows me knows I hate college and everything about it and as my parents won't let me leave I had the great idea of being late everyday to try and get myself kicked out to work full time but unfortunately things haven't worked out the way I wanted and I'm still there wasting my time there getting more and more miserable with life.

But, it's almost the end of the year so hopefully next year will be bigger and better and I finally work out what I want to do with my life!!

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Those down days..

The last couple of weeks have not been the best!

I've realized that I have spent the last 3 years at college doing something I now absolutely hate and my hours at work have been cut right down to 0! and with my parents still forcing me to go to college I'm stuck. as I would love to work full time and that is what most barbers want is someone to work full time. So I'm finding it hard to find a new job and with my savings quickly running out on petrol to get to college I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

It seems like moving in with my nan and becoming her career is the only option although I would be paid to do it I'd be moving away from everyone I know which is pretty scary.

So life has been pretty shit to be honest but I'm sure something good will happen in the near future after all thats the law of the universe.. isn't it?

Twitter- @josieeberryy
Instagram- @josieeberryyy

Salicylic Acid Face Peel

From the age of 11 to now (age 18) I have suffered with acne, its not so bad now as I've got older and started to care for my skin more but I do still get the odd spot but I have been left with the permanent reminder of this teenage nightmere in the form of huge redy brown scars that have been left behind.

I've tried many things to get rid of the scar inculding lemon juice on the sun, scrubbing my face with sugar and honey and even bleaching my skin with hair bleach (PLEASE do not try as it does not work and it burns like hell!!).. So, after reading about Dermatoligists preforming Salicylic Acid peels on paitents with scarring I researched into the cost of getting it done perfossionally but being part time employed doesn't allow for me to spend around £100 each time it needs doing so I went on to ebay and brought 30 ml of 20% Salicylic Acid for around £5 an obvious saving of a lot of money although I would perfer and recommened to have it professionally done thats just not an option for me. I only did a partial peel on my right cheek as that is the worse part of my face and I wanted to test it on a patch that I would be able to notice and differences better.

September 26th 2014-

The first treatment, after doing a skin test and having no reaction I washed my face with simple face was and towel dried I applied a tiny tiny amount to the scars using a cotton bud, after about 2 seconds it was burning my face felt like it was on fire but i perserevered and left it on for a minute. In that minute my skin frosted and when I washed the acid off the frosting remained so I scrubbed my face with a flannel with I do not recommend as that has probably caused some damage. My skin was left red and sore. I'm using E45 cream to moisturise my face through out the whole process.
The next day my skin looked bruised and red.

September 28th 2014-

My skin has started to peel! It looks like really bad sun burn which is too bad really and sort of looks like a bruise from far away. It is so tempting to pick and peel my face because I'am so excited to see the result but I suppose being patient is a lot better than rushing it and leaving myself a bigger scar.

September 29th 2014-

First day going public with my face peeling, obviously everyone asked about it and all sounded horrified when I told them I had done it myself at home..
Most of my skin has peeled off now there is just a few patches left to go but the skin thats left behind looks so much better and the scars are less purple and are just a pale pinky colour.

October 1st 2014-

There is one tiny patch that still needs to peel off but the skin that has already peeled looks so much better!
By the end of the day my skin has totally peeled and I'am left with skin that looks so much better still slightly red but I'm sure that will go down over the next couple of days.
I'm so happy with the result especially as this is the first time I have done it.

 Pictures-

(Sorry about the lighting and terribly unflattering angles in some of the pictures)

1st - Before the peel

2nd - Just after the peel was applied

3rd - After a minute, was off time

4th - After being washed off 

5th - Day 2 red red red

6th - Day 2 

7th - Day 3 Started to scab

8th - Day 3 Starts to peel

9th - Day 4 peeling 

10th - Day 5 final peeling

11th - Day 6 all done!!

Good luck if you are planning to do this at home and make sure you have research properly and throughly!!

Twitter- @josieeberryy

Instagram- @josieeberryyy